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Tuesday, 29 July 2008

5 week Checkup

Newbaby's 5 week checkup was today. He's now 9 lbs, 6 oz, and 22.5 inches. This puts him 4 ounces and a half inch bigger than his daddy was at birth. It also means that he's holding steady at around the 75-85th percentile of weight and length for age. It's pretty dang early, but if he stays steady on this track, he'll end up at 6'1 and 185 lbs, just like daddy . I know it's a distant goal, but just interesting that he's currently on track to look like me .
Pics!!!

In other news, since getting the mortgage loan rejected, Newmommy and I have decided to re-arrange some stuff. In the process, turns out our bed, the Newbaby's crib, and one of our couches are all pointing north- something which is apparently Feng Shui. We've added another bookshelf for my constantly growing library( mostly theology stuff, nothing most would be interested in), a coffee table, area rug for the coffee table, finally hung the albums covers on the wall over the TV- which is across the room from where it used to be- and in general given a completely new look to the place... something which means nothing to any of you, since you haven't seen pictures of the place, but they'll be posted once the layout is operational.
Also, I went yardsaling Saturday( with another guy from my school, a freshman... apparently yard saling is NOT a gay thing?) and bought... a LAVA LAMP!!!! I'm pretty psyched about it. Surprisingly, having album covers on the walls, rabbit ears on the TV, and a lava lamp on the bookshelf, not to mention a tiffany lamp on one of the end tables, does not make our living room look like something out of the 70s, nor does it come across stoner-ish.

Who knows, maybe I'll update again before Newbaby's next appt.

Tuesday, 22 July 2008

Livin' on a Prayer

Well, the visiting is a bit shy of half way done. My parents were in town last Sunday-Wednesday, and my brother and sister-in-law popped in the same weekend from Saturday-Monday. We had exactly 5 days to Pack the apartment, deliver my sermon, and recover from my parents' visit before the in-laws came to town. Newmommy's parents are... iffy. They can be the nicest people ever or, alternatively, they can make for the most awkward visitation you've ever sat through. Unlike my family, with whom conversation is easy and can be about anything, hers seem to have an agenda. It doesn't matter if you bring up current events, sports, The Dark Knight(holy Amazing!!!), the conversation is constantly being turned to what they feel needs to be done in our lives. Yesterday, about 4 hours before they came, two rather frustrating things happened. First, I left work early because my stomach was firing cannons from both ends. While locked in the bathroom, we got a call from our mortgage broker- the loan got rejected at the last minute, and there was no way to fix it. This would have just been a "Well that sucks" moment, but it was compounded by the fact that the large down payment we were planning on making had come as a gift from Newmommy's dad- meaning that he had been involved in the process leading up to the purchase, and would be very unhappy to get this news.

We braced ourselves for the attack, but surprisingly it never came. Things were discussed rationally, conversation was a little easier, and they want to go see the Dark Knight while they're here (hallelujah!!). Downside, you ask? For one thing, they're here for 2 weeks. The plan was that this week we'd be moving, and next week we have other friends coming in to town, so the time we could spend with them would be less than they might hope for. The fact that we're not moving doesn't change much, since Newbaby gets dedicated August 3, and they won't leave before that happens. This might not seem like a big deal, but my mother-in-law has officially gone baby-crazy. In the three hours following dinner, the following scenario got played out:

1) Newmommy fed Newbaby. Since we were with company, she used a blanket for privacy purposes. Mominlaw accused her of suffocating our child three times, and at one point tried to pull the blanket off- I quite literally slapped her hand away.

2) Newmommy changed Newbaby. You'd think changing a diaper wasn't really a big deal. Well, Mominlaw wanted to share her trade secrets or something, because she ran into the bathroom, grabbed a towel, rolled it up, and placed it on his stomach- apparently to prevent him from peeing on himself. Then she proceeded to hold his arm whilst Newmommy changed him- a process that took all of 45 seconds.

3) Mominlaw got to hold Newbaby. you would've hoped that would shut her up- actually it yielded a constant babbling stream of barely-understandable words. She talked to him nonstop, mostly in question form (Have I mentioned I can't stand when people ask babies questions?... with a few minor exceptions). Also, in the space of an hour, I heard abut 20 different adjectives for my son, including- wonderful, fantastic, perfect, great, fabulous, doll-baby, and honeypot. Yeah, honeypot.

4) As we loaded him in to the car( it's averaging 98 degrees around here these days), she first spent 10 seconds rapidly explaining why we shouldn't let the metal clasps from his car seat touch his legs- you mean metal gets hot? Then once he was in, she asked us about 12 times whether we were sure he was okay sitting in "that position"- that position being with his head drooped a bit because he's 4 weeks and can't hold it up yet.

We're hoping that it was a one-time, meeting the grandson thing, but man, if that continues for 12 more days... that child may grow up without a father.

Wednesday, 09 July 2008

Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide! In Luis Sachar's book "Dogs don't tell Jokes," The main character recalls this being the first joke he ever learned, and he thought it was hilarious, even though it was not till much later that he heard the original and realized why the first one was supposed to be funny. I'm afraid Newbaby will be experiencing something similar. I am about a semester and a half in to my Koine (Greek) studies, and a while ago I shared my concern with my professor that I was having difficulty memorizing all of this stuff. It wasn't that it didn't make sense, I just could not commit that much to memory. Well, unfortunately, my professor is very aware of the budding theater career I had in high school, and the fact that Newmommy has nicknamed me "The human jukebox," so he has difficulty believing that. Our efforts to come up with a way to make memorizing Greek similar to memorizing lines/songs failed until... Zondervan to the Rescue!!! A very short while ago, they realeased an audio CD entitled "Sing and Learn New Testament Greek." Dr. Greekprof has decided to use me as the test subject for this new product, and I must say it's helping. And the music/Windows Media Player "visualizer" have Newbaby rapt with attention. I'm sure he'll be singing along no problem by the time he's 3. The play list is as follows (Italics is the tune it is sung to):
1. Alphabet song Alphabet Song
2. Article Song Three Blind Mice
3. Noun Endings Song The Farmer in the Dell
4. Indicative Verb Endings Song Yankee Doodle
5. General Verb Forms Song I've been working on the Railroad
6. Participle Song Old McDonald
7. Infinitives Song For he's a jolly good Fellow.
8. Imperitives Song Row, Row, Row
9. Contract Forms Song Twinkle, Twinkle
10. Eimi Song Mexican Hat Dance
11. Prepositions Joshua fought the battle of Jericho
Considering Newmommy and I both detest singing children's songs, and the closest thing to a lullaby I sing to him at night is "Music of the Night" from Phantom of the Opera, it seems unlikely that he will learn the original words to the first 10 for some time to come (I actually don't know the Mexican hat dance words, or I might sing that one for him). The one exception may be the Alphabet song, as I would like for my child to read. Who knows, maybe he'll be bilingual, and one of the languages will be one that nobody speaks .

Tuesday, 08 July 2008

OY Gevault!

I went to grab some lunch around noon today, and I saw one of the craziest things: a Tiny little girl- probably about 5 years old- with a cell phone! No, this was not mommy's phone, mommy was using hers. No, it was not one of those 4 button phones- on button for home, one for mommy, one for daddy, and one for... I don't know who. It was a Full-fledged cell-phone, a T-mobile to be exact. Seeing this little girl walk around with a phone, i couldn't help but imagine her making a call and saying "Gwampa, guess what! Yow in my fabe fibe!" It's really kind of sad the things we give our children. I have seen clothes in the little girls' sections of stores that I have no other way to describe than "sexy"- all pedophile connotations aside, it frustrates me that our kids can't be kids any longer. They have clothes that I don't think ANYONE should be wearing in public, children's cell-phones and pagers, children's pepper spray, Barbie/hotwheels/cars Computers, and several other items that the average adult didn't have 10 years ago. I've compiled some of the more ridiculous ones, and am proposing solutions for each:
1) The Cell phone or pager. When I was a kid, I had to get permission to use the home phone, could only use it to call boys or relatives, and was not allowed to call my friends just for the sake of talking- only if I needed to make plans/arrange for a ride/ perform some other form of business transaction. My mother taught me to say "___ residence, this is ___ speaking" when I answered the phone(which, by the way, is a rotary phone that they still have) and if I didn't do it, I wasn't allowed to answer it again for a week. Now, cell phones are sooo convenient, there's no reason (other than the bill) not to have one! Plus, Junior capitalists NEED them for EMERGENCIES. Well for one thing, your child really should never be left in a situation where he/she does not have a familiar adult who is readily accessible. However, if you feel it is imperative for your darling's safety, give her your old phone next time you upgrade. A de-activated cell phone, on which you have neither a plan nor pre-paid minutes, is still capable of calling 911

2) The slutty clothes. When my little sister was around kindergarten age, my mother had difficulty finding her skirts that would fit her waist AND reach her knees. This was partly because my family has some ridiculously long legs, and partly because they don't make skirts as long as they used to. We can't shorten our children's legs, however that does not give us the okay to buy them some crazy miniskirts. I saw one the other day that couldn't have been more than 5 inches top to bottom, and it was designed for a 7-8 year old. The answer here is pretty dang easy- don't let your daughter look like a skank! Luckily, little boys clothes are fairly okay, although I'd take a look at some of the graphic tees and figure out whether you are letting your child walk around with the latest slang for penis emblazoned on his chest.

3) Computers. They are just about a necessity these days, and if you're reading this it means you have access to one. However, your child does not need one that looks like Lightning McQueen, Winnie-the-Pooh, or Barbie. If you're worried about your computer not being kid-friendly, set up a children's user name- it's pretty easy to do from Mac or PC. Then tell them if they want to use the computer, they click on this icon (Password protect your account to be on the safe side). Set up parental controls in the internet if you let them use it at all, install a few kids' games, and make sure it is in a place where they know they are in constant danger of being caught if they use it wrong- and be sure to monitor them. This will help your kids stay out of trouble from the time they can click on Dora until the day they graduate high school.

4) Fashion trends. I'm of the belief that YOU don't need to spend an extra $86 to get the jeans with the holes in them. If you like them that much, buy a pair of $9 Canyon River Blues (that's Sears Brand), a pair of scissors, and a jug of non-color safe bleach, and go to town. You'll still have $60 left over, which is like 3 weeks worth of diapers. Same goes for your children. If I can't put an entire outfit of new clothes on myself or child for $20 at Old Navy, you'd better believe we're headed to Target, then Wal-Mart, then Goodwill until we find somewhere that I can.

5) top-of-the-line equipment. You will cringe when your preschooler gets those $100 Nike Jordan AJF3s dirty jumping in the puddles after his first Basketball game. And seeing her use her entire Horse-riding outfit, complete with $40 crop, to climb trees won't be that fun either. But the real killer will be when they both decide after one lesson/practice that what they really want to do is Karate. See, tuesday afternoon they saw Arthur playing basketball and DW riding a horse, and it became their lives' dreams. But when they saw the Ninja Turtles kicking the butts of Shredder and his goons on Saturday morning, they received a whole new revelation. Bet you can't wait till the first time they watch The Mighty Ducks!

Seriously, my parents probably spent several thousand dollars on toys and equipment that is currently hanging out in their attic, and they never got me anything on the above list. I'll bet if, every time you thought about getting one of the above things or some other overpriced item, you bought them something for 10% of the price, put half the difference in a savings account for them, and the other half in your retirement fund, you'd be ready to move to Florida by the time they graduate, and they'd have already bought their first car and still have enough left over for college and perhaps a down payment on a house.

Monday, 07 July 2008

Do the Mushu!

Two random Movie references in two days, I'm losing my originality! Newbaby thought he met the competition today- who he actually met was himself. It was interesting watching him have a stare-down with the baby in the mirror, but we had to cut it short when he got rather upset and started crying- I hope he doesn't keep reacting like that when he figures out it's him. He also had his first REAL BATH, and after the initial shock, he actually dealt with it. It wasn't exactly a love, he was more complacent than anything else, but it sure beats him flailing about whilst I try to thouroughly wash him without 1) dropping him, 2) getting the umbilical cord soapy or watery, or 3) knocking the baby tub over.
Mary from Momaroo has asked to feature my story about the church lady, so look for that soon on your momaroo front page. In the mean time, I have compiled with a list of people who should not, under any circumstances, dispense parenting advice:
1) People who already know that your morals/cultural values/beliefs are so vastly different that your parenting styles could not possibly match up. Sorry Mr. Secular Humanist, I want my child to actually believe in something.
2) People who do not have children. No, your little sister/nephew/kid you babysat one time does not qualify. Until you are responsible for that child's needs for 18-25 years, it's no dice.
3) Parents with younger children. The fact that you spank your three year old and send him to time out in the pink chair with no toys when he says "stupid" does not help your friend whose 16 year old just came home drunk from her boyfriend's house.
4) The grandparents. I will give a disclaimer on this one, grandparents are allowed to advise, but only after they've been asked. Moms, Dads, we are products of your parenting styles, we remember pretty well how you did stuff, and by now most of us know why you did it, too. If we want a refresher course, we'll give you a call. Otherwise, try to avoid jumping in. Besides, you can't exactly tell us to be softer on our kids (You can't spank him!) Than you were on us (Just wait till your father gets home, you'll be tasting leather!)
5) Complete and utter strangers. Okay, I realize that I've never personally met any of the authors of the books I've been reading about pregnancy, babies, and the first 5 years of life, but someone respected them enough to print them, and most of them come recommended by my mother, who did a bang-up job of raising me and my older brother and sister, and continues to do so with the 3 younger ones. Plus, if I don't want to hear what the Baby Wise, What to Expect, or Attachment people have to say, I can just shut the book. Random lady on the street that tells me bouncing my child to sleep is bad for him- who are you? If I bark like a dog, will you go away?
6) Teachers. Sorry, Professor, I was up till 4 AM with a fussy baby, so no, I'm not totally awake for your 8 AM class. No, I did not "put him on a schedule" so I could "continue to maximize my time" like you suggested.
7) Employers. See above, it's pretty much the same thing without the PhD.
8) The child's siblings. Regardless of whether you have children, no parent wants to hear why their kids are better than them. If they do, they'll ask.
9) High School Parents. Sorry kids, I don't mean to be profiling, but you don't have your HS diplomas yet and you have a 3 year old running around your parents' houses while you're sitting through the reproduction unit in Biology- and they won't even give you lab credit for him! Second disclaimer of the list, if you are a former high school parent and are now a... "traditional" parent, you likely have valuable advice. If you still live with your parents... not so much. Unless it's the taking-care-of-the-elderly-parents variety.
and 10) The Spears family. Just... no.